Reflective Practice

The Red Tent

I would never have chosen to read this book, although it was recommended to me over and over again.  I am so glad I read it anyway.
Being something shy of a biblical scholar I found myself wondering which parts of this book were from the Bible and which parts were from the author's imagination. 
I found the descriptions of the setting transporting--and that is my biggest requirement in a book--to be transported to another place.  This is probably why I have such a hard time reading non-fiction.  It's like a job that I don't get paid enough to do.

Pride and Prejudice

While the snow has been upon us we have watched "Pride and Prejudice" at least three times.  Is it cabin fever?  I don't know.  I tend to do this with movies.  I think I watched "The Ref" with Dennis Leary about a million times, and "You've Got Mail" at least that many times.  I think this is my new one.  The scenery, Mr. Darcy, you can just get lost in it.

I read the book for the first time last year.  I actually understood it and liked it.  I was very impressed with myself.

When I searched for books on amazon, here is what I found.

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time

"It is to Mr. Haddon's credit that his narrative, told from Christopher's perspective, is realistic to the point of being disturbing. Living with such people can be a challenge, and Christopher's parents show the battle scars that come in dealing with him. " -David Goodman

Exactly.  As I read this book I thought about how the main character's actions seemed so logical as compared to the "people on the outside."  It seemed to me that he was inside some sort of little glass cage that he had made for himself and that he liked it that way, in fact, that seemed to be the definition of his uniqueness, we would say his disability, is that he wanted to stay within the glass cage with his head down and only glance out for split seconds at a time.  And when he did, it frightened him and he was happy for the comfort of his cage.

One reviewer on the cover said something to the effect that reading this book reminded us of all our own limitations.  Exactly.  As I read I thought about how much I am like this boy.  If things get out of place I am upset and disturbed, when people act differently than I want I desire nothing more than to get away from them as fast as I can.  Maybe we all have these tendencies?

Writing Down the Bones

Tonight I tried "Write Anyplace" from Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg:

I am going to write.  I am going to write because I have not done it enough to be good at it.  I am going to write because I am stressed out.  I am going to write because I have read a lot lately and need to process what I have learned before I lose it permanently.  I am going to write because I enjoy it and it makes me happy.

I am sitting here in my kitchen in

Dutch

Harbor

.  Snow/hail/sleet is pelting the windows and it is April 12.  A few days ago this would have bothered me because I had a painful case of spring fever.  Now I don’t.  I don’t have spring fever now because if it were spring it would mean that school was almost out.  If school is almost out it will mean that it is almost time for me to move away from

Dutch

Harbor

.  In so many ways I hate it here and in so many ways I love it.  I haven’t lived in that many places but I think it must be that way no matter where you live.  When I lived in

Petersburg

I was a kid and so wanted to leave to find some freedom and my own place and way to live.  I go back there sometimes (not in a long time actually) and I can see why people love it.  It is green and lush and homey and familiar.  When I am there I feel like a big fish in a little pond, a little like a celebrity.  I feel like I can walk around and am carrying an invisible, yet obvious sign that says, “I made it.  I left this town and did not fall flat on my face.  I succeeded.  I left this town and did not come back except for an occasional visit every couple of years and I don’t plan to stay long.”  Not that people there admire me or anything.  I know that there are probably lots of people there who think I am not a success because I went from there to smaller and, in their opinion, worse towns.  But, they can think that all they want.  They don’t know because they are stuck in

Petersburg

and I am so glad I am not.

But, now I am moving.  Moving to

Bellingham

.  For good.  That is so scary because for nine years now we have been saying, “When we move back to

Bellingham

” and now it is actually happening.  We are actually going to go there.  No longer will we be able to say, “I live in

Dutch Harbor

Alaska

—in the Aleutian Islands” or “I live in

Kwigillingok

,

Alaska

—a Yup’ik Eskimo village on the west coast of

Alaska

” and we also won’t be able to say, “I live closer to

Russia

than I do to

Seattle

.”  We will just say, “I live in

Bellingham

.”  That’s not all that interesting.  But, obviously, that is not why you live somewhere, so that the one time per year you get out for five days you can awe people with how tough, resourceful, and wily you must be because you live in the true middle of nowhere.  I am sick of the middle of nowhere.  I want to live in the middle of somewhere.  But the middle of somewhere holds so many temptations for me.  So much stuff to spend my money on and so much chance for me to get distracted by things that will make me a person I don’t want to be.  But plenty of people live there and are happy, so why can’t we be?

And think of how fast my Internet connection will be!

And think of how wonderful it will be to shop at that Saturday Farmer’s Market.  And think of how beautiful

Zuanitch

Point

Park

is at sunset.

And think of how wonderfully comfortable and homey our house will be after we have a chance to get settled.

And think of how much fun I am going to have digging for treasure at garage sales on Saturday morning with some special friend that I find and won’t have to give up after two or three years when she or I move away.

And think of how much Cade is going to flourish in his Montessori preschool.

And imagine how peaceful and happy

Norman

will be when he can see his brother anytime he wants.

And think of all the professional development I can find.

And think of how good it will feel to work in a school where everyone is not jaded and closed off to any new ideas.

And think of how much fun it will be to go to Breadloaf five summers in a row.

And, dang it, think of how fast the damn Internet is there.  If I was there now these flickr pictures would be loaded by now and I wouldn’t have to still be thinking up things to look forward to.

I will write.  I will write about books I have read lately and how I can’t focus on them anymore because I am getting so distracted.  I read Eat, Pray, Love and loved the first part where she was in

Italy

but lost track of things when she got to

India

.  All that concentration made me lose mine.

Then I tried reading 32 Third Graders and One Class Bunny and hated it.  It had some heartwarming stories, but it was not all like my teaching life.  Everything was either funny or touching.  There was nothing about sitting in my chair grading papers when I want to be doing something else and letting that make the grading take even longer.  It didn’t say anything about the stupid, rotten things I sometimes accidentally say to my students and then regret later.

Here's a poem...

What I Should Have Done

Walked in the hills with a soft little hand in mine

Appreciated the gift of friendship

Acknowledged the strength of grass

Laughed at the twisted trees

Collected perfectly smooth rocks on the beach

Picked chocolate lilies

Layed down on the mossy tundra and stared at the ever-changing sky