Reflective Practice

30

30.  If you were turning 30 you'd think it was too big.  If you have 30 cents you'd think it was too small.  If it was 1930 you'd be at the beginning of the Great Depression.  If you were me, 30 would be the number of students you would have on Monday morning.

How many times have I heard,
"Well, it's not that bad, it could be 35 or 40, they have classes like that in some places."---Why is that supposed to make it better?  How is that a productive thing to say?
"You can do it."--No.  I cannot.  Quit saying I can.
"Well, primary kids just need so much more than intermediate kids."--#@^*^hit.  All kids need help.  The sooner some people figure out that intermediate kids need as much help as primary kids the better.  They don't need less help, they need different help.  How will we ever convince intermediate teachers to differentiate their instruction and try to meet the individual needs of their students when they have 29 or 30 kids in their class.  Come on.  You're joking, right?

And anyway, I just find that every day lately I feel defeated and find myself saying, "Well, if ___ hadn't happened, I would have ___."  Unfortunately ___ keeps on happening. 

Reading Workshop Plans

“Literature is no one’s private ground, literature is common ground; let us trespass freely and fearlessly.”--Virginia Woolf

I stumbled upon this blog because it is summer and I had nothing better to do.  (This will change far too quickly now that it is late August.)
But, it got me thinking about reading workshop and how pathetic my reading instruction was last year.  I struggled to figure out what it was I was doing.  You'd think after ten years I'd have it figured out but I actually feel like I was less organized and authoritative than ever.  Pulling reading groups was a real challenge.
I pulled them based on their DRP score which seemed to work OK, but then once I pulled them, what to do with them?  With the higher group (really high!) I worked on Gretchen Legler's Antarctica lessons.  That was actually fantastic.  The kids loved it and they produced some of the best writing.  I felt guilty when we didn't meet anymore.  I think that the work was very challenging for them but they felt proud that they were being asked to do it and they all stepped up to the plate and were excited by the work.  With them, I thought to myself, "I'm not sure what to teach them about reading, they're accomplished already.  They read as well as I do.  Maybe we should work on writing."  I remembered the Legler lessons from ASWC and voila, it worked.  With my lower groups we worked on a combination of Daybook excerpts and A to Z Readers stuff.  I found it dull and tedious and I know they did too.  It was very much like going to the dentist's office.  It just felt so artificial, like something readers in the real world definitely don't do.  But, I know that I definitely need to work with these strugglers on SOMETHING to help them get where they need to be.  But what?  I guess that is what I will be looking for this year in my master's program.  What do struggling readers need to know to become accomplished readers?  That does seem to be the $64 million question.  It makes me think back to Soar to Success and all the other stuff I've done in the past.  What were the things that were effective.  I think I should spend some time researching that. 
Reciprocal teaching was good.  All that story mapping was pretty tedious...
Anyway, the general structure of reading workshop is what I'd like to work on.  From a little research it seems that my structure should look something like this:
Mini lesson (10-15 minutes-yeah right-I am so bad at this!)
Work Time/Individual Conferencing (20-30 minutes)
Strategy Groups (15 minutes?)
Meeting Time (5 minutes)
The idea being that the minilesson sets the purpose for the work time or introduces readers to a strategy or shares some little gem of reading wisdom with them.  The work time is for the readers to read and maybe jot down one or two quotes or ideas in their reading journals, and for the teacher to very purposefully and very carefully conference with individuals.  (I see this as the thing I was worst at last year and the thing I want to improve most.)  It is a time to reteach or teach and a time for me to assess, informally, where each reader is. AND THEN I WOULD USE THAT DATA TO FORM STRATEGY GROUPS.  (That is another thing I am bad at: seeing similarities and patterns in readers and writers: they are all individuals to me and I don't see how they fit together, but I'd better start figuring it out!)  The meeting time is a time at the end of class to regroup and share some gem, quickly.  So, it looks like to do this right, I need at least a 65 minute chunk of class time.  That shouldn't be impossible, but it will be difficult.  I am sure my schedule will suck at least as hard this year as it did last year.  This is a good summary.
I just love Nancie Atwell:

"A child sitting in a quiet room with a good book isn’t a flashy, or a marketable, teaching method. It just happens to be the only way anyone ever grew up to become a reader."

So, I guess this is how you do it?  It sounds so non-thinking, but where, oh where can I get my hands on Nancie's reading lessons.  Her book, Lessons That Change Writers is my Bible.  When will she be coming out with Lessons That Change Readers?

"Reading workshop is not S.S.R. It’s not a study hall, where we watch the clock with one eye as we “Drop Everything And Read.” Teachers in a reading workshop are teaching readers for a lifetime. In brief lessons we introduce new books and old favorites, tell about authors and genres, read aloud, and talk with kids about their reading rituals and plans. We teach about elements of fiction, how poems work, what efficient readers do—and don’t do—when they come across an unfamiliar word, how punctuation gives voice to reading, when to speed up or slow down, who won this year’s Newbery Award, how to keep useful reading records, what a sequel is, what readers can glean from a copyright page, how to identify the narrative voice or tone of a novel and why it matters, how there are different purposes for reading that affect a reader’s style and pace, how to identify a page-turner, how to tell if a book is too hard, too easy, or just right, and why the only way to become a strong, fluent reader is to read often and a lot. And then, after the lesson, the classroom becomes quiet so that our students may read in companionable silence."

"One of our primary goals as reading teachers is to eliminate—or at least reduce—frustration. We want to make reading easy. In our workshops, teachers start by being honest with kids about what we do as readers. We acknowledge the guilt many of us grew up with—the feeling that there’s a proper, rigorous way to read and that somehow we’re not doing it right—so we can help our students navigate books with pleasure and confidence. At the beginning of the year, my students and I discuss Daniel Pennac’s wonderful list of a reader’s rights (Better Than Life, Stenhouse, 1999). I let them know that serious, joyful, engaged, critical readers make choices about how, why, and what they read. In reading workshop, children are encouraged to skim, skip, and look ahead. Abandoning a book that a reader isn’t enjoying is viewed as a smart move, not a character defect. Students learn that the desire to reenter a beloved book isn’t cheating; it’s a benchmark of someone who is becoming a reader."

This is a tough one, though.  I know why it's true, but it's just so ingrained in me:

"At the same time, reading workshop doesn’t impede the journey or extract a toll. There are no tests, worksheets, book reports, double-entry journals, or discussion questions between the last page of one good book and the first page of the next. Teachers who help kids act as readers learn how to assess their growth in ways that match what readers do: In a nutshell, they talk with young readers and listen to them."

I think that what she is saying is quite revolutionary and I am not totally convinced it would go over well at my school which, despite the big talk, very worksheety and "boondoggle"ish.  I think that what Atwell is describing is much closer to my classroom two years ago than last year.  I'd like to get back to that.  I guess the hardest part for me are the minilessons: they should be based on what I see when I conference with my kids though.  I feel like I want a toolbox full of minilessons that I can just whip out at a moment's notice, but maybe that's not really right.

Frustrating Week

An exhausting week has come to an end.  I will try my best not to allow the weekend to be exhausting.  Right now I would like to eat two pounds of chocolate and an entire pot of coffee.  Which, of course, I have just finally figured out I am reacting to.  Every time I drink coffee my hands break out in a rash.  So, I have not drunk a single cup of coffee this week.  And it is report card week.  Maybe not the best choice, but at least my hands are feeling pretty good.

Wednesday night I stayed at school until 8:00 working on report cards and am almost done.  Every time I do them it forces me to reflect back on all the things I wished I had done and wished I could do.  Pull more small groups in reading and math.  (Figure out how to do that first, what to teach in them second, and move from there, of course.)  And I so rarely think about what I have accomplished, only what I should have done, wish I could have done.  I am hoping the things I learn in this master's program will help.  And I am hoping I will not be overwhelmed.

Processing...

So the cartoon doesn't exactly catch the feeling I am having today, but it does match my feelings for the past few weeks, months...for a while.

I know that challenge and struggle is the best thing for me.  Only through challenge and struggle do I grow.  This feeling of disequilibrium is what it feels like to learn.  I need to repeat that to myself 10,000 times and maybe I will believe it and remember it.

Some things are great.  Today I met with my highest reading group (an issue for a whole other post because it has taken up so much of my time lately) and listened to them read aloud their "Writing About Place" pieces.  It was so gratifying to hear them using that language and to know that they had really read the piece by Legler and really tried their best to use it to expand themselves as writers.  I loved seeing their smiling faces as they read and I loved watching the others listen and nod their heads and smile at their peers.  They really were engaged.  Was this deep engagement?  I think it must have been.  I loved reading Brett's piece to them just for the heck of it, and having them listen, for the most part.  I loved that I could read them this piece and they could understand it.  I loved that I could read them this piece and I could believe that at least a couple of them might be listening and taking it in and actually thinking about it.  I loved asking them, "How would you like to go to school with your 12 gauge and then go hunt for geese in the middle of the school day?"  That was great.

But then, there are the frustrating times.  The times when I want to kill whoever in the hell invented TERC math.  I find it so frustrating that I know what I want them to learn but I am tripping over myself when I try to lead them to it.  I am mystified by so much of it.  It's like I am dying of thirst right on the bad side of a fenced in reservoir.  I want them to know how to multiply and divide.  For example: 36 x 25.  My knee jerk reaction here is to show them the algorithm, but I am not allowed to.  OK, so then we break 36 into 30 and 6 and we multiply that by 25.  But most kids can't do that, so then we...I know it is all very worthy and that their understanding of math concepts will be so elevated afterwards, but it is really tedious.  I am finally at the end of Mathematical Thinking at Grade 5, which basically covers multiples, factors, prime numbers, composite numbers, multiplication and division.  It should have taken me about 5 weeks.  We started school at the beginning of September.  Here I am staring down the barrel of Thanksgiving break and I am finally finished with it.  Moving on now to Picturing Polygons, but now with the Portland Public Schools guide in hand and a little more hopeful.  (But keeping in mind that wise man who said, "The first year is a wash, the first year you teach anything just be OK with the fact that nobody will learn anything.") 

Now, I am starting Rocket Math, and I am still working on those guided reading groups, and I am doing Number Talks, and a literary magazine, and, and, and...I am trying to say this to myself at least 100 times a day, "I am not going to feel guilty."

Here it Comes

At what point did parents start believing that the school is the catch-all be-all social agency?  When did they start believing that teachers were gods and that any behavior that was anything less than god-like was unacceptable?

Sometimes I am caught unaware in a sea of non-teachers and feel myself drowning.  It starts with comments like, "Maybe you can help me with this since you're a teacher."  It then usually proceeds into a discussion about worksheets that aren't challenging enough/are too challenging, how their kid is more important and more special than all the rest, how the teacher never ____________________ or always _______________________.  It rarely contains any evidence that the parent has actually bothered to go in and observe their special, more important child in action.  There is usually a lot of smirking about annoying, disruptive behavior that the parent obviously thinks is cute.  The rant contains little to no empathy for the teacher.  These rants always seem to last longer than rants on any other subject.  And of course, they contain plenty of "When I was in school"s. 

And I so often want to ask them, "What do you want?  How do you want it to be?  What are you willing to do to help?  Are you willing to cut activities out of your schedule?  Are you willing to turn off/get rid of your TV?  Are you willing to get rid of all the video games in your house?  Are you going to think about the fact that your child is overscheduled but not particularly intellectually stimulated?  Are you willing to read more yourself?  Are you willing to read more with your child?"

But, of course, I don't ask those questions.  I generally nod, smile, try to provide some insight, get shot down, and then get quiet.

Getting Ready

The time has come to get ready for another school year.  I am excited to be in a new place, working with new people, and facing new challenges.  I definitely felt stuck in my last position, now I need to put my money where my mouth is and actually get some work done.  I am intimidated by this new job, but hopefully can overcome that.  I am worried about the new and, what I perceive to be, higher expectations that parents here have for their children.  I am intimidated by how much less money I will be making.  The amount of money that I was able to save each year at my old job is the amount I will not be making at this job.  So, basically, it will be a hand-to-mouth existence, at least for a little while.  But, I know if we can tame our inner children who say, "You want that, buy it!  You didn't get cool stuff like that when you are a kid, you're a grown up.  Get it now!" we will be alright.

I have begun my road map for the year and am actually impressed with how much I have been able to get in there.  I've got math all plugged in, which is funny, because math is the one thing I am most nervous about.  I will be using TERC and I really have no idea what that entails as I have not had a chance to see any of it what with the move and all.

I have a lot of questions I need to ask.  Such as, I notice that there are a lot of assessments to be administered for each student in the fall.  This is great, but what do they look like, how will I use the results and who administers them?  I am assuming I do-the big spending of my former northern digs are GONE in a big way-so I need to find out how.   I also need to see some sample schedules.  How are other teachers scheduling their days.  As in all districts, it seems there is far too much content to actually cover in one year.  Especially in social studies and science.  What I found last year: that I really can't effectively teach science and social studies and art all at the same time is important.  But, I also see that the state of Washington now has a science WASL and something like 35% of kids are passing it.  Yikes.  I have not heard any great "We are a science district" type initiatives, but still, that's a little frightening.  I know exactly why it is though.  We teach reading and writing and math really well: or as well as we can.  Social studies and science get far less of our time and focus than any other area and they are truly areas that take a lot of thought and planning and prep work.  Here they are using GEMS.  Ugh.  Great stuff, but my pocketbook is EMPTY and I don't want to buy everything.  I've been through that and it was not fun.  One unit is an STC kit, it looks like.  We'll see if the kit actually has any materials left in it.  Oh, I am already longing for my good old FOSS days.  It's amazing how we teachers are able to put on this illusion of great ideas and structure, when really we are doing nothing but wing it.

Where Am I Going? Where Have I Been?

The year is almost over.  Tomorrow is the last day for kids.  We had our big Banquet of Fortune today and after school I packed and loaded more boxes.  I came home and worked on Spyglass and packed and loaded more boxes.  We ate dinner.  I packed and loaded more boxes.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Repeat.

My eczema is flaring worse than it has in a long time.  I attribute it to stress.

• The year is almost over.
• Report cards are due.
• I need to pack EVERYTHING I own and have it palletized and shrink wrapped by Monday.
• I want to spend time with friends I may never see again before they/I leave.
• I want the end of the year to be memorable for my class.
• I am feeling very nostalgic about the end of our time here.
• The list contines to grow...
• Will I get back into the swing of writing and reading more regularly?
• Will we make it in Bellingham?
• Will I get a job?
• Will it be full time?
• ...
• ...

Triumphs

Some triumphs...

I found this poem:

Spark
Naomi Shihab Nye

Two girls danced, red flames winding.
I offered my shoes to the gypsies,
threw back my head, and yelled.

All day their hillocks of cheese
had been drying on a goat hide
stretched in the sun.
So it was true--they came in the night,
they set their dark tents flapping.
Gypsies see right through you,
I'd heard a man say in town.
But did they like what they saw?

To live without roads seemed one way
not to get lost.  To make maps
of stone and grass, to rub stars together,
find a spark.

I gave American shoes, sandals from Greece.
They held each one curiously, shy to put them on.
Later the shoes disappeared into the tent
and I walked home with their drums in my belly.
Maybe they would use them as vases,
drawers.  At least there were choices,
not like a sword, which did only one thing,
or a house, which sat and sat in the desert
after the goats and music had blown away.

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I saw my students working on a hands-on project today (Silk Road 3D Geography) and I realized that 1) they were really engaged in it  2) it actually addressed some of the standards  3) they were doing an incredibly good job  4) they didn't need me to hold their hands to complete it, they did it on their own.  For a fleeting moment I saw the environment that I read so much about, where a community of learners is actively involved in and engaged by their learning.  They wanted to do more than the basics because it was fun and interesting to them to do so.  I will include pictures later in flickr.

_________________________________________

Today was the first day my students got onto our science blog.  It was a really long time coming.  But, they loved it.  All the typical technological hurdles notwithstanding, it went extremely well.  I saw students who have rarely read anything actually reading and writing in response to the blog.  They are excited to respond so they can see what other people wrote and respond to them.  I think this is definitely something I want to continue and expand: maybe into social studies and art: areas that deserve more time and excitement than they get.

_________________________________________

I took two days off this week to stay home with a sick child on his birthday and I felt very little guilt about it at all.  I came back to school and nobody had died or even been injured.  They persevered without me with very little difficulty.  I can take time for myself and my family.  It is OK.

I Hope I Don't Sound Like This

I found this blog in a recent US News and World Report article called "Blogging Their Way Through Academe."  I am not sure who she is, but I pray that I don't ever sound like that.  At least not in writing, in public.

I have been reading Alfie Kohn again.  I am not sure if that is a good or bad thing, but this article was very interesting.  I find his link between NCLB and the secret motive of the Bush administration to turn schools into a completely privatized system interesting.  It's something some of my colleagues and I have been talking about recently.  If our schools were not spending all this money on NCLB and testing related things, what would we spend it on?  Might we have enough money to hire more teachers to reduce class sizes?  Might we have enough money to hire more special education teachers so that they could actually do more than just paperwork.  In nine years of teaching I have rarely worked with a special ed teacher who was actually able to teach any children.  All I've ever seen them able to do is paperwork.  Because, let's face it, when it comes down to it, which is more important: teaching the kids or doing the paperwork? 

Anyway, the idea has come up more than once that these testing companies must be laughing all the way to the bank. 

More than anything, I love the way Kohn is absolutely unapologetic in his criticism of NCLB:

"In any event, if we did so we’d be destroying the village in order to save it. No, scratch the conditional tense there: The devastation is already underway.  Every few days there is fresh evidence of how teaching is being narrowed and dumbed down, standardized and scripted – with poor and minority students getting the worst of the deal as usual. I have an overstuffed file of evidence detailing what we’re sacrificing on the altar of accountability, from developmentally appropriate education for little children to rich, project-based learning for older ones, from music to field trips to class discussions.(26)"

In another article (too tired to find it right now), Kohn says that too many of us say things like, "NCLB would be OK if..." and "I'm all for high standards, but..."  He says we need to stop doing this and just stand up and say that this is bogus and we know it's bogus and we're tired of it.  Amen to that.

Definitely ready for spring.  Today is April 25 and all after school activities were cancelled today due to an imminent blizzard.  The blizzard never materialized, but it sure didn't do much for my mood.

Goal

Until last summer I didn't really understand what real professional development was.  After attending the Alaska State Writing Consortium's summer invitational institute, I am a believer.  I am feeling rather run down and drained lately, and want some inspiration for my teaching.  My goal is to get my Master's degree through Breadloaf School of English starting next summer.  It takes five summers and I think I can do it: if I can find a job this year!